Mark Buxton, Neil Coles & Jason Patient take a break at Elsdon Cyclists Café during a 100+ miles ride around the Cheviots.
Last update 22nd May 2000.
Visitors since 8th May...23, I don't think this counter works.
As a discerning cyclist from a select group of individually minded individuals you have been specially selected to be invited to take part in an enlightening and stimulating literary experience.
“Byke Kultuur Never,” is an editorially led web-based magazine with lots of artistic white space, artistic grey space for Netscape users. It will be published once or twice a year, or whenever I feel like updating it.
“Byke Kultuur Never,” will accept no advertising in order to protect our independent status and because no-one will pay for advertising in a magazine published as irregularly as, “BKN.”
Inside this issue of BKN.
A special offer from Closed Road.
Subscriptions (this is in fact a joke, actually so was the special offer above).
Stuff I've used
Interesting New Toys .
Interesting Chain links (honest).
Some photos from holidays and stuff.
Sixteen stone, six feet something Séamus King’s startling April Fools Day revelation.
Editor-in-Chief; Séamus D. King.
Contributing Editor; Somebody Else.
HTML Editor; Séamus D. King.
Photographer & roving reporter; Séamus D. King.
Thanks to; Steve Andrews, Peter Eland and A.N. Other
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The premier cycling event of the year CycleFest 2000 is the place for anyone interested in cycling no matter how extreme their interest.
The other premier cycling event of the year Bike Right has been celebrated in Wooler, Northumberland every November since 1996.
In May, 27th to 29th, Open Road are having a Try-out Show with lots of unusual cycles to try out.
A new cycling event, Spokesfest in Leicester this summer.
The CTC are making a bigger show than their usual car extravaganza at York with the, Millenium Festival of Cycling. Will there be more cars than last year?
21st June 2000 marks the official opening of the first 5000 miles of the National Cycling Network . See how Sustrans gets the credit for
the work of others as they try to ban bicycles from the roads.
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|| Caption 1|
All I did was stick my pole into his wheel.
Mr. Blunketts guide dog fails to see a cyclist.
If you can think of a better caption for this cartoon email the Editor-in-Chief.
Closed Road “Kool?” Belts
Forget the American studded belts with Harley Davidson motifs, Kool Belts tops the lot. At first glance it looks like an old inner tube but when you notice the valve buckle it dawns on you that they are made out of recycled inner tubes. When we wore these at a recent international trade fair so many people asked what we thought we were doing that we decided to try and flog a limited production run of 50, available only direct from Closed Road.
These belts are hand made in Birmingham by a machine and utilise genuine Taiwanese inner tubes and realistic fake valves - they even have realistic repair patches on them. What’s more the inner tube rubber is treated with a “Doggie Products Division Alternative Odours” product so that the charateristic odour of rubber is disguised. These belts also feature a
Self Adjusting Tension System so you never have to adjust them.
Kool Belt only: 29 pounds. Kool Belt & trousers: 39 pounds.
The prices include postage and packaging for all UK orders except where destination is in England, Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland. All other destinations add 5 pounds except rest of the world deliveries add 10 pounds.ORDER FORM.
So much for that spoof, a German outfit Spork Belts make belts out bicycle tyres.
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I wish to order a T*****e binder.
- l wish to subscribe to T*****e starting with no 10.
I wish to take out a combined subscription to T*****e and BKN.
I wish to take out a combined subscription to T*****e and BKN with chips.
I wish to take out a subscription to T*****e and join the T*****e club and get a garlic & coriander naan.
I wish to wait until I’m old for the next edition of BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles.
I wish to take out a subscription to BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles and BKN with chips a video and an onion bhajee.
I wish to take out T*****e chicken tikka.
I want gravy with BKN.
I wish to take out a combined combination of BKN starting with the next issue and T*****e but not until issue 12 and the new BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles when it comes out and the video for both 2000 and 99 with rice & naan & 4 cans of cider & a portion of onion rings, scampi chicken tikka masala and some of that crunchy stuff by the till with gravy to go.
I wish to take out a Big Mac, BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles and a Filet o BKN.
I wish to order the *name deleted due to fear of litigation* on a Bicycle for 15 pounds.
I wish to order a T*****e and a relief massage from Busty Belinda personal masseur.
I wish to order an extra pint for tommorrow.
I wish to order BKN & BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles together in a brown briefcase to be left under the bench in the park by the big treewith the red bin in front of it.
I wish to order a subscription .
I wish to order a subscription to T*****e and What Car Magazine.
I wish to order the *name deleted due to fear of litigation* beard.
I wish to order a subscription to T*****e starting with issue 11 and a subscription to BKN and BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles 99 and the video and BKN Annual with big coloured pictures of bicycles 2000 in amasala with a buttered chappati & some popodoms & a green chutney with 8 pints of Kingfisher ta!
Please Note: in spite of BKN being an obvious joke, our legal departmant have advised us to insert T*****e in place of Trycycle for legal reasons.
Did You Know...cases of libel are only ever brought to court by people with no sense of humour.
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Stuff I've used for at least 6 months
Porelle Dry socks
Keep feet dry.
& cold unless inner socks are worn.
take days to dry.
particulary after washing.
difficult to put on.
& even harder to get off ( do not use scissors).
insulates from the ground.
packs away easily.
takes up no more space than a karrimat.
expensive (what price a good nights sleep?).
weighs more than a karrimat.
Platypus drinks bottle
simple, effective drinks container.
can be rolled up to reduce size as contents are used or to pack away when empty.
made of polythene.
might puncture unexpectedly (mine haven't).
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I saw one of these in the Field & Trek catalogue a few years ago and thought it silly afterall what sort of backpacker would need a wineglass? At the time I wasn't a wine drinker but I am now hence my need. It’s still not an essential bit of kit, a plastic mug does the job but the wineglass is just so much more civilised. Strictly speaking the glass isn’t a folder, the stem screws onto the bowl (?) of the glass in use and screws off to be stored in the bowl when packed. As it’s in two seperate pieces it’s a demountable wine glass. It holds about 250ml and works very well. On the downside, compared to a real glass it feels plasticky but compared to a mug it doesn't. Overall a nice bit of kit worth the £6 it cost.
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Interesting Chain Links (honest).
- TheVelocita is an aluminium short wheel based recumbent and Michael Perkins has got one.
- Adam Hart Davies’ Local Heroes is back on the telly. This is his web link featuring his bicycles.
- An excellent, albeit very american online magazine, Bents Online is not what you'd think. It's about recumbents.
- Open Road publishers of the excellent cycling publications, Bike Culture Quarterly & Bycycle.
- Everything you ever wanted to know about human powered vehicles on land, water or in the air can be found at the website of the International Human Power Vehicle Association.
- The British Human Power Club is for cyclists who feel the need for speed and I don't mean amphetamines.
- Editor of the BHPC, Dave Legs
Larrington has a brill page on recumbents.
- The Folding Society. Excellent site about, would you believe, folding bicycles with regular updates.
- The site of recumbent magazine Recumbent UK is worth a look cos it’s got my name on it.
- Editor of Bike Culture Quarterly (see above),Peter Eland’s, Pete’s Pages feature his Russian recumbent tricycle as well as his magnificent home built demountable recumbent tandem tricycle.
- The Lung Worm Story. A revolting accurate description of one mans battle with a terrible affliction. OK, so I made it up. Or did I?
- The Light Bicycle Infantry, (LBI) can use air droppable folding ATBs and Extreme Terrain Bikes (ETBs)....Weird macho US forces on bicycles, for real.
- A couple of photos of Séamus King’s Peer Gynt recumbent bicycle.
- For hard men who need a Real Man’s saddle.
- Not cycling, The Fell Club for lightweight camping.
- The unofficial website of legendary mountainbiking sheep Mint Sauce.
Issue 1 of Byke Kultuur Never.
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